How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
