and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
