New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
