Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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