So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
