trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
