have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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