He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
