Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
