He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You have to summon your inner elephant
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
