hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
