I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
