By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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