LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
