went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
bring money and cleavage
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
