He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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