so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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