I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
