I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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