Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
