Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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