I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
