My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
