just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i came on her dog
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I would ride that face into the sunset
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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