I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
