Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
