If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
