You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Im part way to drunk.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
