Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
