i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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