I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
