i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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