Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
