He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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