apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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