My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
