I showed him my bush... on skype.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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