You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
