My sheets look like a crime scene.
i was born a porn star she said
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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