I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
