Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
