I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
