Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
