We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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