eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
