come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
