He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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