So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
