do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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