my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
